Real Life Drive-Thru Experience Nailed With ‘McApathy’ Robot
HAMBURGLARVILLE--Fast-food companies are replacing their employees with robots. But, don’t worry – they’re programmed to provide the same level of crappy service you’re comfortable with when ordering your triple cheeseburger meal with cheese fries and a side of cheese sauce. McDonald’s fiercest competitor, McDarla’s, has already started doing this, focusing on the key ingredient of every successful chain—consistency. It won’t matter where you are, from Seattle to New York, order a number one and their robots will always give you number two.
According to McDarla’s Chief Technology Officer, Bit Koyne, the new robots are named ‘McApathy’, and each
Currently, Koyne and his team are working on the next generation of McApathy. “Like most fast food companies, we’d love to see our service get worse over time,” said Koyne. The ability to implant human emotions like depression and bitterness in the machines may be the most remarkable development. Like McDarla’s traditional human employees, the longer McApathy stays in the thankless, dead-end environment, the more blatant the aggression. Ripping tiny wires out of its genital region and placing them on food is common in bots who’ve been on the job for more than 60 days. “They’re figuratively and literally dead inside,” adds Koyne. Even with all of these technological advances, McDarla’s has managed to make eco-friendly strides. “Green initiatives are huge for us. The saliva these bots spew on your sandwich is sourced from the tears of disappointed toddlers who received the wrong kids meal toy,” said Koyne.
Consumers are already becoming complacent with their e-shit sandwich. “At least McDarla’s isn’t listening to what I say like all the other technology in my life,” says loyal, clinically depressed customer Alexa Siri. To experience the next generation of terrible service, visit your local McDarla’s.
*This article is total bullshit and nothing written here ever happened