Life sciences, researchers taking observation notes

Our Cascade Into The Bizarro Vortex

Scientists from SHN (School of Hard Knocks, in Washington DC),  announced yesterday that conclusive data now shows that our planetary dimension, as we know it, has officially fallen into a “Bizarro Vortex.” “Everything that once made sense, now gives us a gnawing feeling of discomfort,” explains Dr. Thaddeus Notrighticous, Chief Scientist at SHN.

“Because of this phenomena, there has been a shift in our acceptance of what is right and wrong. This change is especially apparent in those people with a sense of authority and quite often, a penis.”

In a study including 100’s of Americans in corporate or political office, it was discovered that those subjects with the highest levels of testosterone and dopamine addiction were increasingly more likely to fall through a dimensional vortex. The endlessly needy energy created by those subjects affected, has begun causing a cascade effect, pulling us into the “Bizarro Vortex.” “Up is down. Right is wrong. Those who are somehow unaffected tend to feel the most confused.”

Dr. Notrighticous showed me a graph explaining how signs of the “Bizarro Vortex” can be seen in daily life. “As you can see here,” the Dr. explains, “There is a direct correlation between the blathering of balding rich men and the melting of polar icecaps. Our planet is suffering.” 

Bizarro Vortex Correlation Graph
Bizarro Vortex Correlation Graph

Dr. Notrighticous explains that there are clear signs of this phenomenon that can be observed by the general public.

“You may notice instances where people in your community are faced with seemingly obvious conclusions but prefer instead to believe the opposite. An example of this may be the inability to feel sympathy for a victimized party and instead find comfort in dismissing the ‘unseen’ as hearsay. Stay cognizant of these changes. Take notes in case you or your loved ones also begin slipping into the void.”

The Dr. says that there are many ways to keep from spiraling. Volunteer at a sanctuary for retired farm animals. Grow food with your neighbors. Avoid combovers and spray tans.

“It won’t be easy but together, we just might turn things around.”

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